New day, Same rant
I hate people, I swear. I can't even walk down the street without people staring at me, and whispering to each other. I mean everytime I go anywhere I notice 3-4 people either doing that, or slowly backing away from me. I mean, have I ever done anything to warrent this people hating me for the way I look. Or, worse yet, fearing me. I like to think I am a damn nice guy. I try to help people when they need it. I volunteer when ever I can. I donate everything from food and clothes to blood.
It is getting worse then it was at WVHS, but at least noone is trying to pick a fight with me to look tough. But I can still remember the damn hallways parting before me.
Have I ever done anything to warrent this? I have never picked a fight, and always tried to talk my way out of violance when I could. But for some reason people look at me like I am a serial killer. And it is when I am wearing normal clothes too. I can kind of understand it when I am in my fishnet and duster, but when I am wearing a pair of jeans and a tee shirt?
Why are people so damn paranoid? I just wish that once and a while the people I hold the door open for wouldn't stare at me like I was going to stab them when they turned there back on me. Like when I offered to help a woman with her grocerices in the apartment complex in Aurora. She looked like I was going to rape her.
But the absolut worst thing is in the malls. Kids love me. LOVE me. They are always crowding around me, pulling at me for attention. And I love kids. I play with them, talk to them. But when the parents pull there children away they look at me like I would auduct them. I know that they are worried about strangers this day and age, but I never see them do it to other people.
I know I am getting down on myself now, but I hate the way I look. I know people think I am fishing for compliments, but I am not. Just ranting. I just want to get all of this out of my system. I just want for once to be told I look good with out any prompting. For some reason, in this country it is wrong for women to give men compliments. I have always tried to tell everyone I have been atracted to the fact I am. And I have always assumed that the same was true for everyone, And the other day I went to a party in Lafeyette Indiana. There were 5 bi/gay guys there. Not one of them hit on me. And yes, they knew I was bi.
I don't know. I just feel so...weird now a days. I find myself drawn more and more to my relms of fantasy. It is easier to deal with then real life. I mean I have no friends here. I have no job. I am mooching off Amber and my folks.
But I will end on a high note. Like I said I went to a party. I was up there visiting my new girlfriend, Chantal. Anyway Amber stayed home to give us some alone time. We went to pick up three guys for it. And every one at the party is bi/gay. Anyway we walk into the appartment and find 3 gay guys watching Will & Grace.
Next time I post, I will try to post something happy.
posted by Rob @ 2:18 AM
8 comments
8 Comments:
There's way too much irony in the question "Why are people so paranoid?".
Maybe the people you see talking are saying, "Damn, that's one fine looking guy".
Other than that, the only thing I can think of is the trenchcoat and hat, if you're still wearing those routinely. Those would tend to stick out a bit and have negative connotations for some.
Actually I haven't worn my duster sense I got here. And this is the south, EVEYONE wears cowboy hats.
Parents pulling their children away--I would do that with my young children--I don't want them getting comfortable with strangers if that stranger doesn't approach me first. Kids are very trusting and don't know the difference between a good stranger and a bad one.
What is your facial expression as you walk around? Are you enjoying your surroundings, the people you are with or are you staring at people daring them to take issue with you? Don't be so focused on who might be looking at you. Be confident and happy with yourself, interested in whatever is going on around you, enjoying life. Smile, say "hi" or "good morning" to people you pass. Some will still look at you like you are two kinds of crazy. But others will return the smile and the greeting. You can't change the way people act--you can only change how you act and react.
But that is the problem. I am happy. I smile, hum to myself. And I wear all light clothes anymore. Jeans and white/ahs shirts. ANd my green sweater. I have always noticed things. I don't activlly look for things, but I always have noticed things in my periferal vision. I am polite, and I like to think a little charming and endearing. I always hold the door, take my hat off in doors, and say 'Bless you'. I think I just give off bad vibes. I do understand the kids thing, but the parent's alway glare at me afterwards like I was trying to get the kids around me. They never do that to anyone else.
I blame your height.
It has to be the humming to yourself then. People must think you just escaped from the psych ward of the nearest hospital (only kidding). I've heard it said that the only really crazy people are the ones who not only talk to themselves--they start to answer themselves.
I guess the only advice I can give you then is to continue to be polite like you have been and stop caring about what people think. If you are happy with yourself, then that's all that matters. Your good karma will catch up with you one day.
I know...I know...but it is harder somedays then others. I need to post the highs and lows, but I guess if I post my highs I will feel like I am bragging about good fortune. And I doubt most would want to read about my prowess in certain fields where most of my highs are coming from...
I'm going to guess that you got that right! :-)
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